


How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

by thedark_before_thedawn



Series: How Big How Blue How Beautiful [2]
Category: Florabella - Fandom, Florence + the Machine
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 16:22:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5134493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedark_before_thedawn/pseuds/thedark_before_thedawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set mid-flight on the between Rio and LA, coming back after Rock in Rio</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

Isa’s brows furrowed. She had just drifted off to sleep and now she could feel something tugging on her arm; well, more like someone.

“Florence, I swear to god, I will punch you in the face if you don’t leave me alone.”

“But Isa!” Flo whined.

Isa opened one of her eyes wearily. The rest of the plane was silent and most likely everyone on it was asleep. Isa was not happy at being woken. “What do you want?” She whispered.

“I can’t sleep.”

Isa stared at her in disbelief. Unbelievable she thought. “If you woke me up to tell me that, I swear-”

“I need you to help me.” Florence cut in, shyly.

“Help you? Help you how…oh!” It clicked into place when Florence raised her eyebrow. “Florence, are you insane? We are surrounded by people and you’re not the quietest person in bed, you know?”

“Please?” She begged.

“Florence, this…this can’t keep happening. I can’t-”

“Fine, I won’t wake you up again. But please-”

“No Flo!” Isa snapped before taking a deep breath and regaining her composure. “I can’t…I can’t keep sleeping with you.” Isa watched Flo’s reaction not entirely sure which of her extreme emotions to expect.

Florence tried to form a sentence but she couldn’t string anything coherently together. What was there to say? Her confusion quickly turned to anger as she stared at her best friend, fuming.

“What?!” She nearly shouted.

“Flo calm down.” Isa hushed, placing a hand on Flo’s arm.

“No, don’t tell me to calm down.” She said, shaking off Isa’s hand.

“Flo, I can’t do this secrecy. It’s killing me. It’s not fair on either of us and it’s certainly not fair on whoever is supposed to be back waiting for you in London.” Isa took a deep breath, trying to stay composed. “I can’t keep dismissing all our public displays of affection as just being close friends. It kills me Flo. It kills me. How am I supposed to know how you really feel when one minute you singing about some guy you don’t even love like he’s the greatest lover you’ve had, and the next minute you’re screaming out my name in some hotel room while I give you the best fucking orgasm you’ve ever had. It’s not fair on me Flo. I’d give it all up for you and for a future with you but you’ve never and will never do the same for me.”

Florence just stared at her. Somewhere deep down she thought it was all true and all fair what Isa was saying; but she couldn’t admit it to herself yet. It all hurt too much.

“Isa, you can’t do this to me.” She whispered, angry tears spilling down her cheeks.

Isa bit her lip and looked, trying not to breakdown herself but all she could think, see and even hear was that she’d just broken her best friends heart.

“I have to.” She whispered, red-eyed as she watched Florence break with every word.

“You’re sitting there in your ‘Isabella & Florence forever’ t-shirt and saying all this? Fuck you, Isa!” She said, a little louder as she jumped up from her seat and stormed off.

She didn’t know what to think. Her head was buzzing but she knew she couldn’t be around Isa for the rest of the flight. She went and found Mairead who was asleep next to Chris. She tapped her on the shoulder and hoped she wouldn’t be as mad for being woken as Isa was.

Slowly Mairead opened her eyes and saw Flo. “Florence? Is everything okay?”

Florence shook her head, stray tears rushing down her cheeks. “I need…I n-need you t-to swap with me.” She stuttered.

“What? Why?”

“I…I can’t explain right n-now but p-please could you swap? And I need you to book me a room at the Chateau please.”

“Have you and Isa fallen out?”

“Mairead please?”! Flo said desperately. “Please?”

Mairead nodded. “Of course. I’ll get you when the plane’s landed, okay?”

Flo nodded and hugged her tightly. “Thank you.” She whispered.

“No problem. Now go to sleep.”

Florence gave her a weak smile before taking her seat. As soon as she relaxed into it, Chris’ head immediately lolled onto her shoulder. It could be worse she thought as she closed her eyes and tried not to dream of the reason her heart was currently feeling as crushed as it did.

*

“Florence, wake up.”

Florence scrunched her eyebrows as she felt her shoulder shake. “No.” She grumbled.

“Come on Flo, you’re the last on here. Isabella’s already gone now come on.” Mairead said sternly.

Florence opened her eyes, which stung instantly at the white light.

“Come on Flo. I’ve got you a room booked at the Chateau, a cab waiting to take us and to top it off, if you get up right now I won’t make you tell me what’s going on.”

“Fine.” She mumbled as she slowly rose from her seat and followed Mairead.

Mairead kept up her end of the deal and didn’t ask questions about what might have happened on the plane a few hours before, and so the cab journey was ridden in silence.

They arrived and Mairead helped Flo take her luggage up before leaving her to her thoughts with the promise that she would check in on her every day.

But for now Florence was alone with her thoughts; always a dangerous scenario for her. She wanted to go out for a walk, for some fresh air but she was in no position to deal with paparazzi or questioning fans. She knew the moment Isa’s name was mentioned she would burst into tears. She understood that what she was doing was a gift and she was grateful to have the job she does; but she just couldn’t help but feel miserable right now and wanted nothing more than to just disappear for a while. And thinking about her career also brought back tears over Isa when she remembered the first time they had gone into Isa’s tiny studio together. Isa promised to make Florence a superstar if she promised to make an album with her. It was all Isa’s idea. This all started with Isa and Florence worried that now Isa didn’t want to be with her, she also wouldn’t want to be in the band anymore and she couldn’t take it. She couldn’t take the thought that one day she might have to carry all this on without her beloved friend.

*

Florence spent three days tearfully wallowing in her room before deciding she should probably get some fresh air. She dressed down in shorts and a hoody, belonging to and still smelling of Isa, and decided to go for a walk up and around the hills. She made it all the way to the Hollywood sign and looked out over LA. The sky was like nothing she’d seen before. There was no end. She sat down cross-legged and just stared out at the skyline.

It took a few minutes and a few splashes of her own tears on her legs before she was pulled out of her daze enough to realise just how much she was crying. The sky was big, blue and beautiful…just like Isa’s eyes.

She put her head in her hands as she tried to pull herself out of her emotional state but everything came back to Isa. Everything always came back to Isa. It was like she was a satellite stuck revolving around her atmosphere. She looked down at her phone in her hands, took a picture of the sky and attached it to a text to Isa.

How big, blue and beautiful does the sky look?! Reminds me of your eyes. I miss you. X

She pressed ‘send’ and breathed out as she tried not to regret her actions. There was a small part of regret but mostly all she could feel was her heart aching because her friend wasn’t beside her. She was pulled out of her thoughts by her phone buzzing and she quickly opened the message.

It does look beautiful and I miss you too Flo. Come by my house on your way back. I need to apologise. Xx

Florence hesitated. She could go and Isa could apologise and they kiss and make up…or she could go and Isa stands her ground and Florence leaves even more heartbroken knowing there’s no chance of reconciling.

She decided not to text Isa back and to instead let her feet take her wherever she would go as she let her mind wonder.

She was face to face with Isa’s door. Her knuckle was clenched in a fist, hesitantly hovering inches from the door. She closed her eyes as she knocked and opened them slowly as she heard the sound of feet coming closer towards her. She took a deep breath and met Isa with the best fake smile she could muster. But Isa could see through it. Of course she could. She knew her better than anyone and she also sensed that all Florence wanted after three horrible days away from her was some contact. She wrapped her arms tightly around Florence’s waist and breathed in her familiar smell; the one that caused so many of her t-shirts to remain unwashed as not to let the smell fade away.

Florence wrapped her arms around Isa and squeezed her like she hadn’t seen her for a year.

“Florence, I can’t breathe.” Isa struggled.

“Oh…sorry.” Florence and looked down at Isa with a sad smile.

“Come on, let’s go sit down.” Isa said gently, taking Florence’s hand lightly and leading her to the living room. “Sit.” She said quietly.

Florence gave a small nod and sat down and Isa joined her; rather closely.

“Florence, I’m sorry.” Isa began. “I’m so sorry I snapped at you. I was so tired and you know how I suck at sleeping. I just…I was mad and I wanted to make you leave me alone and I picked the wrong time and the wrong way to tell you it all. I-”

“Wait,” Florence cut in, “so you’re apologising for how you said it but not for what you said?”

Isa stared at her blankly.

“Un-fucking-believable!” She yelled.

“Florence, please. Let me explain.”

“No.” Florence stood up and looked down at Isa, giving herself a moment to breath. “You said you couldn’t do this because you would give everything up for me and I would never do the same. You said it wasn’t fair that I was always singing about loving a man when really it was you I liked. You know what, Isa? It isn’t me that you should be sorry to; it should be yourself. How can you be so blind?” Florence began pacing; her palm on her forehead as she tried to make sense of the situation and how Isa could have missed all of the signs. “I asked you not to move to LA and you said ‘no’. I said that I would give up London and come with you. You said ‘no’. I’m the one who would give everything for you Iz. Me.

“And I may have used male pronouns in songs but that doesn’t mean they were actually about any man I was with. It’s always you Isa. I thought I made that clear with Cosmic Love but you still seemed oblivious so I wrote All This And Heaven and Heartlines and Never fucking Let Me Go. But oh no, Isa still can’t seemed to realise that I was ready. I was ready to tell people. I was waiting for you to say yes. I wrote Over the Love for you Isa. How much more obvious could I have been?!” Florence was pacing faster now. Her rant was over but her fury was still there.

Isa just sat there. Her eyes following Florence and her mind following her words.

“I’m sorry.” She finally whispered. “I’ve been a fool but p-please…please don’t l-let this…” Isa couldn’t continue. She put her head in her hands and tried to compose herself and breathe deeply. She took a shaky breath in before looking up at Florence who had now stopped pacing and was staring down at her small friend. “I thought that if we kept sleeping together, that somehow everything would be worse off than it is right now. This all started when we were drunk and young and way too emotional, blasting Madonna records. We started off as two heartbroken idiots…but I don’t want this to end in the same way.” She quietly confessed. “Please don’t think…don’t think it doesn’t mean I don’t,” Isa took another steadying breath, ready for a confession. “Don’t think it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I love you more than I could ever actually explain. Every time I think of you or look at you, my heart aches for you.” Florence moved to sit next to Isa and took a hand gently in hers. “Flo, I love you. I need you. My whole body tells me that I need you but I can’t ruin this so if we need to take some time to learn how to actually be good friends to each other again and actually communicate, then I can live with that. I can live with it because I’ll still have you with me.” Isa turned to look at Florence who was listening to intently to her. “I’m happy knowing you’re with me, that you’re beside me.” She continued to gaze at Florence who gave her a small understanding smile; and then she cleared her throat. “I feel like I’ve spent half of the last year waiting for you to wake up and for you to answer my calls or my texts. All the waiting hurt more than I could say; the not knowing if you found someone else or you were fed-up of me. But I could wait for years more if it means you’re willing to give us a go. We can go slowly, I don’t mind. I just need you in my life, Isabella.”

Isa gave a small nod. “I can go slow.” She said quietly, leaning slightly more towards Florence.

Florence locked her eyes with Isa and leant forward also. Her breathing deepening and her voice dropping even quieter. “I’m glad.” She whispered. Her breath tickling Isabella’s lips.


End file.
